March 10, 2019
First I must say, sleep is a very important part of my life. Some people say “you can sleep when you are dead,” but that just is not a mantra I live by. Now I will say, when I am awake I want to be doing something every single waking second. Ask my husband. With this pregnancy, my sleeping habits have increased drastically. I do not remember the last day that I did not take a nap. I probably don’t remember because I was a zombie due to sleep deprivation. I’m probably going to take a nap right after I finish writing this. Fortunately, baby G has inherited my sleeping habits, so we compliment each other well.
Back on track here… the reason I tell you this is because last night we lost an hour of sleep. Already not off to a good start. On top of that, I could not fall asleep to save my life. I was busy down “the rabbit hole.” You all know what I am talking about. It’s where you have a thought and then 9877392842 thoughts later you are like, “how on earth did I arrive here.”
I have had a habit of doing this at night since I was a little girl. I can remember times I would lay in bed and get to a thought and try to backtrack to figure out where it all started. Let me first say, these are not intellectual thoughts. So do not think I am some genius over here thinking of the next way to solve world hunger or cure cancer. For example, last night I had this vision of a little white bunny hopping across the street. Then I thought about our busy street we live on and how brave that little bunny must be. Then I thought about the stray cat that is a resident of our front porch, which is where he was last night staying dry from the rain. We have named him D.W. (Dragon Warrior). Then I thought about how D.W. has survived the cold winter and has found his home on our doormat. Then I envisioned him walking across the street and of course the bunny came back into my mind and I thought about them being friends. Then friends led me right onto something else and carried onward until I realized for the last 20 minutes I had gone down this “rabbit hole” (no pun intended).
After tracing my way back to the bunny crossing the street, I had this realization. Last night the only thing that was occupying me was my desire to sleep and these odd thoughts. There were no other distractions. So what if there were added distractions? What if I was driving, or doing the dishes, or chasing Gwen? Would I notice these thoughts? Would I try and dissect the road that lead me to each one? Probably not. My point? How often during our day do we go down these “rabbit holes” of thought and they go unnoticed? For me this is a scary thought. When I am doing my daily activities, my thoughts could be running wild if I am not tuning into them.
Why does this matter? I know for myself, I can wind up in a variety of places by the end of the day. I can be in a good mood, bad mood, great mood, or “do not look in my direction” mood. Sometimes I have no idea why I am in this mood. Could it be that I went down the wrong “rabbit hole,” ending up in a dark place with dark thoughts? I mean, I’ll put my bets on that. So does this mean I have more control over my mood than what I normally think? *shakes head yes.*
I have never really spoken/written this thought out. It is something I am really wanting to focus on this Lent. How might I be doing this? Glad you asked. Each morning I am waking up and spending my time getting my thoughts centered. Just as I wake up and feed myself breakfast, I need to also be feeding myself truths that set the tone for my day. For me that looks like sitting at my cafe table with a cup of coffee and scripture. That is what feeds me. This is what starts me off on the right foot. I have been practicing this for only a week and the difference I have noticed is monumental. How was I not doing this before?
Let me be clear, I have by no means mastered this. Just the other day, I ended the day in tears and had allowed myself to spiral into negative thoughts. Andy brought that to my attention and I realized they were the exact contradicting thoughts that I had actually written about earlier that day. Coincidence… I think not. Right as I was gaining this momentum, the attack came to tear down those truths. This has happened and will continue to happen, but each time I take note of it, it is one little victory.
I definitely want to come back to this subject and reflect on my journey after Lent. I have a feeling I’ll have something to share. See ya down “The Rabbit Hole.”