“I will never have another friend like her.”— Me
This last week has consisted of a lot of conversations regarding this topic. Last night specifically I spent time talking with Susan. She is always a few steps ahead of me and I love that. It is almost as if every situation I bring to her attention, she has already walked through it in some capacity. How the Lord provides those mentors in your life that are just perfect. Its just what I needed at the perfect time. I know I would not have received her love the same way if she came along at any other point in my life.
Anyways, back to these conversations. We talked about friends from all phases of our life. Whether it was when we were 5 or 25. There is something about reflecting on those friendships. So many little things that happened as we grew up, we realized they affected the way we look at our friends today. Friends come and go, but something always sticks with you. Somehow, someway, they made their mark.
One of the things we both have discovered is our desire for deep relationships, but thats it. Of course we have acquaintances, but we have the zero to one hundred mentality. We have like two levels of friendships. This has left us both in the past with friends we have driven away and some who have drawn closer. Not everyone has the expectation that a friendship is going to be so intentional and deep. We both realized we struggled with wondering if something was wrong with us.
Now, let me be clear, I do not think there is a right and wrong way to be friends and desire relationships. Susan and I just so happen to desire them in the same way. I know plenty of people though that thrive in relationships that look different than some of my friendships. What I have learned is that expectations on both sides of the relationship need to be understood. That is the ONLY way you will be able to keep and sustain a healthy relationship. Now, this is not saying mistakes will not be made and expectations will not be met, but there will be a mutual understanding.
I have been told that I “open people up.” For some reason certain people feel comfortable talking with me about things that usually don’t come up in daily conversation. With that being said, I have certainly done my pushing with people who just simply do not want to open up and have pushed them away. I have blamed them, but HELLO, it was me. Not everyone has to be an open book. For the people who do open up, thank you. So often as I listen to someone tell me their story or thoughts, I am so often challenged in my own way to view their perspective and I would say 9/10 times its something my own heart needs to be checked on.
I have two very best friends. I want to share about these two women. One being the most unlikely match and the other is the perfect example of opposites attract. So my unlikely match, I often look at this relationship and laugh out loud. She has played more roles in my life than I thought humanly possible. Meeting our first day in classes. The same day I met Andy. We became the three amigos. Let us not forget, chacos, t-shirt, and nike shorts. Close to nothing in common in every aspect of our life. To this day I can honestly say that passion is what has kept us friends. We both are powerhouse passionate people. It does not actually matter what it is though, like it could be a vitamix, or Brazilian waxes, or dissecting characters in movies. We just have this passion and insane interest in human behavior. There is no one else I can call after reading a bizarre article and discuss it for an additional 2 hours.
So yeah. those are some quirky things. Now let’s talk about the real stuff. I have never loved someone, but also considered them then most annoying person in my life. There is something to this though. She says it when no one else will. We talk about things that most people do not. We have had our ups and our downs. We talk pretty much everyday. We lived together, we work together, she lived with me again, and occupies our guest room more than any other human. She has a servant heart. Even if that means calling every store in the area to find me boxes of corn dogs.
The other night we talked on the phone for a long time (per usual). I got off the phone and looked at Andy. I said, “I will never have another friend like her.” It is so true. We can talk about anything and everything. The hard truths we share are my favorite part. We might not want to hear it, but we always see the love behind it…. eventually. I laugh when I talk about conversations we have with other people. They are always shocked with how blunt we can be. I’m talking there is ZERO filter. We do not always have the correct response, but it is always eventually understood.
Whether caring for me after surgeries, being my Mom/M.O.H./Planner for my wedding, changer of filters and smoke alarm batteries, or sitting on the floor crying with me, she is what kids these days call my “Ride or Die.” Wherever life continues to take us, I always want to remember and cherish what we have as friends. I will never be able to replace it.
Now that whole opposites attract thing. This friend is exactly that. Soft spoken, a little more introverted, I do not think she has a mean bone in her body, and so very loyal. I don’t talk to her everyday. In fact, we can go a few weeks without talking. Throughout that time I NEVER question the status of our friendship. The second we talk or get to hang out we pick up right where we left off. As different as we are, we have almost identical life timelines. We went to college, dated our now husbands, got married, and then got pregnant shortly after. Now we have our sweet babies and get to do mom-life alongside each other. It is a blast.
A few weeks ago we had a really cool conversation about motherhood. We are both learning and both have our unique ways of parenting. She has the biggest heart for her little girl and is always showing me how to love unconditionally. Her gentleness is shown all throughout the way she lives her life.
We laugh often because we see how much our daughters encompass our personalities. She is reserved and soft spoken. I on the other hand am a little more in your face and adventurous. I always am pushing her outside of her comfort zone and she is always reminding me to think before I jump. It is the perfect balance.
While this relationship is very different from the other, there is a significance in what she brings to the table. We are along side each other in life, so many of our struggles are similar or something we mutually can understand. With our husbands being best friends, we also know both of them very well. And if you were not aware, marriage is hard. Being able to speak with someone who shares that is vital, just as it is important to hear from someone who is a complete outsider and has a very different perspective.
With both of these friendships, I find it so common for the devil to try and make a divide. He wants to highlight our differences and expose us of things that in most relationships may be a complete turn-off. I know he attacks each of us in his own manipulative ways, but I’m thankful for the firm foundation we have to turn the other cheek and shower each other with grace.
Friends are cool. They fill our stories. Sometimes with many, and sometimes with just a few. I hope I am always able to come back and see how precious these friends are.